Introduction to Italian Driving

There must be some rules Italian drivers follow, but they're certainly not the same as American driving rules. Another difference is that driving rules are enforced in America. It seems that in Germany, the rules aren't enforced because Germans like to obey. In Italy, rules aren't enforced because the responsibility is left to the individual, and it seems to work okay for them.
For the rest of us, it's terrifying. Here are a few rules I've picked up on through real-life observation.


For vespa drivers:
If the street is too crowded, you have a few options. You can weave in and out of cars, stopping dangerously close to the sides of busses and humans. You can ignore lights and other driving signs in order to pass everyone you can, especially if your small child is seated on the back and you're eating a panino. You can travel in packs that terrorize the streets. Or, if the streets are just too crowded, you can certainly drive on the sidewalk. Just honk at the pedestrians until they move.


For bus drivers:
Busses can fit through car-sized spaces, so don't be afraid to squeeze in between cars. You don't always have to stop at stops, and you may arrive according to whatever schedule you want to follow (or no schedule at all). You can mess with riders by opening all doors except the one they're standing at, or by shutting doors on their feet. Slamming on your breaks suddenly is usually a crowd pleaser. Also, feel free to stop for smoke breaks at random intervals and stop only inches away from the cars in front of you.


For car drivers:
As long as no cars are coming from the opposite direction, any lane is free game to drive in. If no lanes are available, feel free to create an additional lane in between cars. If pedestrians are crossing, you can still drive even when your light is red. You should probably honk all the time. The Italians have perfected the "friendly honk" (a beep beep for: "hey, you're in my way," "your car's still sticking into my lane a little bit," "I see you're about to back into me, please don't," "will you wait right there for a second so I can pass you?") but they've also perfected the rude honk. And the honking for no apparent reason at all.


When parking:
Even though your car is the smallest car on the market, you can take up a giant space if you want. You can park in the middle of the street (literally the middle. Don't worry, just leave it there over night. It's okay.) You can double park whenever you'd like. You can park the opposite direction on a one-way street, or drive the wrong way on a one-way in order to back up into a parking spot.


For pedestrians:
Consider that you are never safe. If you're on the sidewalk, you could still get hit. If you're crossing when you have a green light, you could still get run over. If you're just walking and minding your own business you'll probably still get honked at. If you're sitting eating at a restaurant, you might have to pick your table up off the street for a minute so that cars can pass. The metro might be the safest route for you.